Caspian/Edmund: Transition (1/2): Night

[clovenbuttercup]

Title: Transition (1/2)
Characters: Caspian X, Edmund Pevensie
Relationships: Edmund/Caspian
Setting: Dawn Treader
Notes: Filmverse, I suppose. A sequel to Vulnerable.
Rating: T
Warnings: None
Summary: Becoming a pair again after so long apart takes time. And, of course, time – or at least any kind of surfeit of it – is the last thing you have.

A few days after you and Ed reconnect on the deepest level, leaving Pug & Co. behind you, at last, where they belong, you’re sat on the terrace of the Governor’s Palace watching the sun set. Pipe music is coming from somewhere out of your line of sight. Something about the melodies, tinged with melancholy, fills you with foreboding. Ed is with you as he almost always is these days. Keen for distraction, you hold him close and he lets you card your fingers through his hair and over his scalp. You could sit here, content, for hours. So long as Ed is with you, there’s nowhere else you’d rather be.

There's been politicking today; that's always tedious. And the time not occupied with politicking you’ve spent organising repairs to, and restocking of, your ship. Dealing with the Dawn Treader crew's needs on top of everything else has left you both at some level of exhaustion. And then there are the challenges of becoming a pair again. You've noticed of late an almost physical need to have Ed with you. In the circumstances that makes you more than a little uncomfortable. Thinking about how you can't have Ed with you for ever is depressing, but your mind keeps returning to it all the same.

You're less tired than Ed. You've been able to acclimatise yourself, over time, to the level of work required of kingship. But Ed has been gone from Narnia so long now you suspect he’s no longer as fortunate. In fact, you’re surprised he's still awake, although he's losing the battle with exhaustion. Your attention snaps back to him as his hand slides down your chest. He lets it fall into his lap, unable to hold it up any longer; you choose not to pass comment. Instead, you murmur soft, unintelligible, words at him as you continue to use your own hand to tease his hair wild.

‘Your hair gets messier by the day, Ed.’

You’re not serious. All the same, it’s as well for you Ed is so close to sleep he lets what you say pass by without comment.

‘Mm,’ Ed says. He hasn't heard a word of it.

You look down at him for a moment, shaking your head at his attempts to hide how tired he is. And then you move to swing him up into your arms.

‘All right, Ed,’ you say, ‘it’s time to sleep.’

‘Not tired,’ Ed mutters against you. This, when he shows no inclination to lift his head and prove it, surprises a full-throated chuckle out of you.

‘Of course you're not,’ you say, suppressed laughter clear in your tone. ‘Let’s get you into bed. We can talk about semantics later.’

You carry him back into the bedchamber. And when he cannot hold up his head any longer, and it falls against your chest, you again pretend not to notice. Except you do. You close your eyes and press a kiss against the crown of his head. For a few moments, you relish the feel of him against you, a new-old thing that never fails to thrill you. Then you take a deep breath and continue. The rebellious part of you wants to take him to your own rooms again. You want nothing more than to lock out the world, lie with Ed in your arms in your own bed, and love him. But you squash it down for now as something to indulge in later when Ed’s awake.

When he reappeared in your life a few days ago, it was soon clear nothing he felt about you had changed. Likewise, nothing has changed for you. And now you and he are lovers again. That's something you’d thought you could never hope to be. It’s a huge step forward, even if the notional reason for it was to replace Pug & Co. in Ed’s memory with more pleasant things.

You’ve always found Ed easy to love, and that’s another thing that hasn’t changed. But rekindling your relationship is setting yourself up for future misery. There’s only one way this can end, and there's no way you want that pain. But you're choosing to ignore it all because you love him.

You’re in love with him and have been for a long time. Now you have this second chance with him, something you never thought you'd get in your wildest dreams. And it was a conscious decision to become involved with him again. Because friendship, your other choice, is no longer anywhere near enough for you.

You're determined nothing will stop you loving him with everything you have in you for as long as you can. Even knowing the end of this will be the most painful experience of your life is not enough to dissuade you.

You’re in too deep, have fallen too far, to do anything else. And you’ll worry about the pain when it comes.