Caspian/Edmund: Don’t Let Me Go

[clovenbuttercup]

Title: Don't Let Me Go
Character(s): Caspian X, Edmund Pevensie
Pairing: Caspian X/Edmund Pevensie
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Characters you recognise belong to C. S. Lewis.
Setting: Prince Caspian.
Notes: This is a missing scene for A Riddle, Wrapped In A Mystery.
Summary: Caspian is about to discover that everything he thought he knew is about to change.

You lie in bed, with Ed heavy in your arms, thinking about how things are almost perfect at this moment and trying not to dwell on the fact it cannot last.

“How long would you stay here, with me?  If you, you know, had a choice in the matter?”

The question comes out of nowhere.

Your tone is simple, idle curiosity.  And you’ve tried to school your face to show as little as possible.  It’s a huge thing for you to trust anyone with the most private part of you.  Even though, even at this stage, you’re already certain of the pull that exists between you.

But you’ve always had a strange impulse in your head prompting you to demand answers to questions that will help you stay one step ahead.  You’re not sure where it comes from, or even if it’s a good idea to ask this particular question at all just now, with everything about this connection between the two of you still so new and fragile.  Then again, even if you weren’t trying to stay ahead, you have long experience of how your mouth runs ahead of your brain and blurts things out without thinking through the consequences.  Maybe that’s what this is.

It won’t change the inevitable.  Ed will leave you and return to his own world, at some point, as he is here by Aslan’s grace alone.  You both know this.  You don’t know when it’ll happen, or even if it will come soon, because the Lion is never forthcoming with details.  You don’t even know whether this time with him is all you’ll ever have, which on one level makes this whole question moot.  None of these things change the fact you want to know his heart.

You move so you can see Ed’s face, waiting to hear his answer.  He meets your eyes for a moment and the brief flash of surprise in his, smothered by a swift schooling of his face into a more neutral expression, suggests you are failing to keep your emotions hidden.  This doesn’t much surprise you.  You’ve never been good at that, even when it’s important.

The maelstrom in Ed’s eyes takes your breath away.

The power your question holds is less what it can change about circumstance and more about what it can change between the two of you.  You’re unsure what to expect.  In fact, when you consider what you’ve just asked the potential answers are terrifying.  You’re more certain of the pull between you than of many things.   Including whether you’re making a huge mistake in attempting to uproot Miraz.  But you’re no expert at reading situations, as your naïveté surrounding your cousin’s birth proves, and only now does it occur to you that you might have misread Ed completely.

For a moment or two, blind panic consumes you.

Then you consider what you’ve seen of him, and what you know about him from the historical record.   Ed knows his own mind and is not afraid to speak the truth as he sees it, regardless of fear or favour.  You can feel your heart hammering in your chest as you wait for Ed to answer.  To you it seems so loud you can’t help wondering if he can hear it.

He holds your gaze for a few moments, saying nothing, his expression now closed.   Your heartbeat increases and you consider how to get out of the situation in which you’ve landed yourself.  How to make it look as if the answer to this question doesn’t matter at all.  But you are drowning in the tumultuous expression in his eyes, and you can’t fool yourself any more.  His answer matters, more than anything.

And then, from nowhere, he beams a grin at you of pure contentment, which you return with a tentative smile of your own.  Maybe, you think, this wasn’t a mistake after all.

When his answer comes, it’s your wildest dream and your worst nightmare wrapped in two simple words.

“For ever.”

Comments

[vix-spes.livejournal.com]

Oh this was just lovely and really interesting to see something written entirely from Caspian's point of view. Great work!

[clovenbuttercup.livejournal.com]

Thanks!

I seem to be able to get a better handle on Caspian's POV than Edmund's, somehow, not that I'm complaining!  There are a couple of more recent pieces from his POV on here too, and more are coming (can't recall whether the next piece is him or Ed, though.)

Do you have a preference, either way?