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Title: Reality Check (3/3)
Chapter Title: Reckoning
Characters: Caspian X, Edmund Pevensie, Lucy Pevensie, Other(s)
Relationships: Edmund/Caspian, Caspian & Lucy Pevensie
Setting: Dawn Treader
Notes: Filmverse, although the encounter with the Sea Serpent is in its bookverse setting. This happens in the same timeline as, and is a direct sequel to, Light & Shadow.
Rating: M
Warnings: None
Summary: ‘You almost died, Ed.’ Your voice cracks from the strength of the emotion you’re feeling. ‘Don’t you understand that? You almost died! I almost lost you!’
You’re able to begin the process of transition back to something approaching normality, as time passes and he recovers, but you find the strong need to spend as much time with him as possible never quite disappears And, for days after his waking, Ed still looks so very young and ill in that bed you want to weep.
But you have conflicting emotions in play. You’re pleased beyond measure to see him still alive but, at the same time, angry he’d been foolish enough to get himself into a position like that in the first place.
‘Birds and beasts, how could you have been so stupid?’
Your mouth always has worked ahead of your brain and the furious outburst is out before you can think to stop it. Almost before you realise it, you’re holding so tight to his arms you’re sure it’ll bruise. But right now, you’re too angry to care.‘I couldn’t move. I tried, but I couldn’t make m—’
He’s cut off when you move his hands to pull him into you and then bring your lips down hard on his. You pour everything – fear, anger, love – into a hard, and desperate, kiss.
I nearly lost you. I can’t believe how close I came to never seeing you again.
He struggles against you for a moment, which considering what you’ve just said to him isn’t much of a surprise. But he doesn’t pull away either, which is encouraging, and you bring both your arms around him to pull him in to you as close as possible as you deepen the kiss. You’ve missed being able to do this almost as much as you’ve missed the man you’re doing it with.
Ed makes an incoherent sound in the back of his throat; you grin into the kiss, thrilled beyond measure that you can still coax this reaction out of him. He makes you feel alive in so many different ways, letting your senses drown in him completely, in an essence that’s ineffably Ed. You’ve been without him too long. So you break the kiss with great reluctance, and you watch him try to catch his breath before you speak again.
‘I can’t lose you, Ed, I can’t.’
The elephant in the room, the fact Ed is only ever a visitor to Narnia at the mercy of the Lion’s whim, isn’t mentioned.
‘I’m not going anywhere, Caspian. Except maybe back out on deck as soon as I’m better.’ Your response to this is immediate.
‘No.’ Your tone is dull, flat. Immovable.
‘What?’
You might have guessed getting him to agree would not be easy. And with the way you’ve just come out with it, a blank wall without even telling him *why*... that’s just going to make it more difficult. By the looks of Ed, he’s having a hard time controlling his temper.
‘Cas—’
You know the two of you need to discuss this. But right now you can’t get a proper handle on how you’re feeling, let alone articulate it. And so it comes out wrong.
‘I said no!’
You almost scream this at him, all the stress over the past days spent waiting for him to wake up, not knowing for certain he would, breaking over you like a cresting wave. And then you catch sight of the thunderous expression on Ed’s face.
You start trying to explain. But Ed’s temper has always been more volatile than yours, and he’s too angry to listen.
‘No! I won’t let you just make decisions like that for me. You know, I thought you and I could finally — well, it looks like I got that wrong!’
It’s only then that you see the pain in his expression, and a hint of something that might be fear. And the last thing you want is for Ed ever to feel frightened of you.
He starts to move away from you, going as far as pulling the bedcovers off himself and trying to get out of bed, and you feel a wave of fear hit you. You act on instinct to stop him moving, to prevent him getting out of bed when he’s still not fully well. It’s only when you hear him cry out in pain that you realise your grip on him is so tight your fingernails are digging into his skin. You bring his arm up towards your lips; before Ed can react, you’re kissing the afflicted skin better with both lips and tongue. You wonder if his reaction to that will mean he’ll stop shouting long enough for you to try to explain. Judging by the evidence (a dazed expression on his face, and his slightly-parted lips), it’s working.
No, no, that’s not right.
You feel sick; when did you become so manipulative? So much like your despised uncle? You let go of him altogether and wrench yourself away from him.
‘Caspian?’ Most of the anger in Ed’s voice is gone; his tone is tentative, not wanting to upset you any further, and something in that breaks you. You can’t stop the tears from running down your face as you turn back towards him.
‘You almost died, Ed.’ Your voice cracks from the strength of the emotion you’re feeling. ‘Don’t you understand that? You almost died! I almost lost you!’
You suck in a breath, and try not to think of how much even the idea of losing him hurts because it was bad enough when he left you last time. This time, you suspect, it would be bad beyond imagining. You concentrate, instead, on trying to control the tears falling from your eyes.
Ed’s response is immediate. He rests his fingers on your arm, his touch hesitant and gentle, as if you were a fragile and easy-broken thing. Your breath hitching, you close your eyes and lean in to his touch, unable to speak for fear of breaking down completely.
You feel the tears continue to come anyway. And then Ed is there, cradling your head with his hands before leaning in to kiss the tears away, murmuring your name over and over under your breath as he does.
‘Caspian…’
His tone as he breathes your name leaves you in no doubt that, angry with you or no, the depth and strength of his feelings for you remain unchanged. You open your eyes again to see him looking at you, his expression soft and tender and absolutely full of everything he cannot say. You smile a tiny little smile at him and watch as the creases of worry around his eyes ease a little.
You have a long way to go before things can be back to normal. But perhaps this will be all right, in the end, after all.
